sometimes,
you will wonder,
whether all these hard work
are worth the effort.

what a big contrast to last year,
where i played like shit
and i got tons of people i looked
cool on the drums.

how ironic.

*

everything in the repertoire
came out alright,
and i was particularly pleased with MS,
messy,
but no gaps or stops or breaking down.

i am so relieved.

*

and i still thought there were
supposed to be people
to come up to me after
the whole thing and congratulate
me or whatsoever.

i saw my family,
they just waved,
and said they were going back.

i thought, 'fine, at least i've got my friends.'




i waited.
i called.

they were gone already,
at some mrt station,
deciding where to go for supper.




i feel like an asshole.


*

thank God for my section.

when i was feeling so down that
i could just feel my heart sinking,
they surprised me with a lovely cake.

admist all their hectic stuffs,
they still remembered.

lol.

without lighted candles,
but nonetheless.

i wonder we will still be that fun
when November comes.

*

did not exactly return home
after alvina's dad dropped
me off at semb station.

went to the park below my house
and sort of hugged myself silily.

and sort of wondered where was she
when i needed her most.

saw that text.

didn't reply much,
couldn't think.







went home late,
or should i say,
early in the morning.

and then realisation dawned upon
me that i was finally eighteen.

what a start.

*